Hell….Or… No, Just Hell

So, Some might say “you can’t make this s*** up!!”

It’s true! All of it! No ad libbing this time!! (well – maybe a little bit)

So, there we were.

Srendy’s on a roadtrip to the end of Great Britain. Catching up on the last 6months of not seeing each other for longleat (see previous blogs for explanation).

We planned to stay Midway between Lands End, St Ives and Port Isaac.

We got to our hotel in a little village (which we’ve now affectionately renamed Hell), checked in and went to our assigned cell – i mean bedroom -allocated to us for two nights.

The smell of … Let’s go with … Feet … Should’ve given it away … And we should’ve started running!


We didn’t.

The mould in the bathroom should’ve made us run.

It didn’t.

The springs practically popping up through the mattress should’ve made us run.

It did.

I ran screaming like a maniac (well actually, i kind of casually walked – with purpose) to the reception, where i gently (not very) ‘suggested’ to the receptionist that he should find another room for us!

A few mutterings later, and after he tried to persuade me that the mattress was uncomfortable because of the “national crisis in sheets that don’t fit the mattresses” — i know, right, he found a new room for us.

After saying i wanted to check the room first, we dragged our bags to the new room (well you didn’t think he’d carry them for us did you??). The room didn’t smell like – what was it again? Ah yes, feet! But there were cornflakes all over the floor, more mould in the bathroom than I care to share my ablutions with, not to mention mould in the kettle that, and I’m just assuming here, was meant to add flavour to my coffee.

We suddenly realised that our lives were clearly in danger! (who said Drama Queen???)

I mean, what if i got up in the middle of the night and slipped on a cornflake! It could’ve been the death of me you know!!

You think it ends there!

You are horribly mistaken.

I left srendy to sterilise the room while i went to give the other room key back.

There was a loo roll in the room that had maybe ten pieces on it and no spare. So i naturally asked the receptionist for some. Let me just mention, this was not an un-starred hotel chain, where you need to bring your own everything. So i didn’t think i was being unreasonable asking for one bogroll!!

The man said “we’ve run out of stock”.

I know, right!!

That thought you’re having right now, that’s what we thought too!

The conversation continued.

“well when are you getting more in?”


“it’s Friday today”

(shoulder shrug) “there’s a shop across the road”.

You know those inflatable punching bag type things, with a clown face on? Well i was picturing his face on it. How i would’ve liked to take a swing at him … I mean the punching bag. 😉

We left to stay at the perfect lovely hotel chain across the road – for the same price!

Word to the wise (hotel managers) – stock up on bog roll else I’m outta there!!

Ps: we did get a full refund!


One thought on “Hell….Or… No, Just Hell

  1. srendy July 25, 2011 / 10:11 am

    Srendy you make me laugh – and you make it all sound quite comical – which in hindsight and now that we are back in ‘normality’ it was…..at the time however….. The title of this post says it all right!

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