So, the term “One-Punch-Campaign” has officially been coined!
Calm down! It doesn’t make us a violent bunch!
It’s simply a question of “To Punch Or Not To Punch”
Let me elaborate and I think you’ll find yourself looking for the ‘Join Now’ button.
(You see – the skin on the back of your neck is already starting to curl — mine certainly is).
We recently had to move. Isn’t that just the most stressful thing EVER! Forget the ‘New Start” mantra – it’s a pain in the …. Posterior!
Boxes – where do you get them cheap when your local store “…don’t do boxes Ma’am’. Big boxes or little boxes? Or just a plain old black dustbin bag!
Packing tape – it should be perforated at exactly the right spot you need – like automatically – because we all know tape stuck to your mouth and Tongue is definitely not a good look! And no, I don’t use scissors.
Flatpacking cupboards and beds and…. Ugh! I’m making myself stressed and tired all over again!
So anyway, where was I?
Aah yes, We had to move.
What is the point of estate agents putting photos on their websites? They NEVER look like the photos!
And then, even worse. Photos of properties that aren’t even available anymore (well madam, we can put it up there, but we can’t remove it!)
Eventually we see a place that we like.
And after some deliberation, head back to the estate agents office to talk about it.
It’s pretty much their closing time. On the last day of the month. So they’re desperate to get the business in to add to their monthly commission!
We’re sitting at a table in their office and we say to them “We’re going to think about it overnight.”
We may as well have just told them we found a carcass in desert, because the vultures descended!!!
Three of them.
All at once.
Towering over us.
Vying for our blood!
Talking over each other!
Talking over us!
From the outside it must have looked quite comical!
From the inside, it most certainly was not!
“But madam” — madam are you kidding me! Does it look like we are living in 1920!
“But madam, across the road at that other estate agent, they have an offer on the table, and if you walk out of here tonight, you will lose this place” (do I look stupid?)
“Put your non-refundable £500 deposit down and sign here” (and then lose it if I change my mind overnight!)
“It’s perfect for you” (like they know me well enough to know what is perfect)
So the owner of the company, a young whipper-snapper of a thing, arrogant, cocky — you get my drift — grabs a chair, clears a path between the other vultures, forces his way to the top of the mountain, sits down in front of his minions … and us, effectively blocking our amend escape route, and says…
“I also believe in this whole cest-la-vie thing, but the estate agent across the road is going to get the imaginary offer accepted, which then could mean they get our commission because you ladies can’t be bothered to make up your mind, sacrifice your £500, effectively causing me to not be able to get my teeth whitened a further 8 shades, plus I look bad in front of my minions because I can’t close this deal”
Well, that’s what I heard anyway! 😉
We eventually picked up our things, elbowed and shoved our way through the zombie-like vultures reaching out to suck our souls out of us – as well as our signatures and £500 – and made our way to the door announcing we would sleep on it and let them know in the morning.
We thought we were scot-free when we stepped out into the fresh, unzombified, unpressured, unharrassed London air, When behind us we heard “Coooo—Weee — madams.”
We were contemplating taking a chance and throwing ourselves through the traffic but he was too quick.
He launched into his monologue about how he “…doesn’t want us to feel pressured” — really — and “…didn’t want us to lose the perfect place for us” – how do you know that – and “this is just the way business is done in this industry” – oh come on – and “why don’t you go home and think about it” – I’m trying – “and let us know first thing in the morning” – are you going to just repeat the whole conversation we just had inside – and “thank you and goodbye MADAMS”.
It’s at that point that we should’ve initiated the “One-Punch-Campaign”.
We did eventually take the place — the NEXT day ….. on OUR terms. (Cue Smug)
I do get to walk past their office everyday now we’ve moved – my rotten tomato collection shall surely come in handy soon!
Invites will be sent to a select few to join the Campaign.
If they decline, we’ve not called it “One-Punch-Campaign” for nothing!