Have Luggage, Will Travel …. Or ….. I’m Getting On A Plane And Left My Brain At Home (Part One)

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I’ll let that sink in for a few moments.


I spend a lot of time in airports.
I see a lot of strange things.
Strange people.
Doing strange things.

No, I’m not one of them.
I’m not!

Ok, maybe a little.

But I figured out that people can be completely ‘normal’ functioning human beings until they step into airports and onto a plane.

Particularly three places in an airport and in a plane:
1. The Check-in Counters
2. The Security Check
3. In the plane.

Today, we’ll talk about the first place:
The Check-In Counter

Perhaps it’s because I travel more than most people because of my job, that I’ve come to expect everyone to have the same knowledge as me.

But they don’t.
It’s no excuse.
Really it isn’t.

There is a baggage allowance for ever person and most of us don’t have the luxury of always travelling business or first class so we have the standard 20kgs we’re allowed to take.

Some travellers, such as the one I experienced,  like to take that on as a challenge.

“Let’s see how many things we can get into this suitcase, pretend it’s 20kgs, strap five bag straps around it to keep it closed while we sit on it to squash it down and check it in. What’s the problem!”

Now,  I mean it’s really not my issue and people should do what people are gonna do …… BUT …. It’s pretty darn obvious to me that if your suitcase doesn’t really close, no matter how many of those bag straps you tie around it, it ain’t gonna be within the baggage allowance limit.


Said travellers will still look completely shocked when the check-in assistant says “sorry ma’am your bag is 31kgs” …..(never mind the issue of the no-closing-fully-overloaded bag) …

“Oh dear, are you sure?” They say.
“Yes Ma’am”
“Are you sure your scales are right?” They question.
“Yes Ma’am”
“Can you test my bag on a different scale? I’m sure yours isn’t right.” They try their luck.
“Sure ma’am (said through ‘the customer is always right’ gritted teeth), bring it on over to the next counter”

Traveller pulls said suitcase off scale and, with the help of the extended family who have come to wish her a safe journey, they each take a corner and drag it, huffing and puffing, the clearly 20kgs (!!!) suitcase over to the next counter.

All working together, they count the lift in “1…2…3…LIFT” and put the clearly 20kgs onto the scale at the next counter.

Shock!! Horror!!

“Ma’am, as you’ll notice, the scale is the same as the first”
“I really can’t believe it. Our scale at home said 18kgs. Can we try one more?” They say in disbelief.
(I want their scale for my weekly weigh-in….13kgs under…awesome!)
“I’m afraid not ma’am, there is a long queue of people trying to check-in.Your bag is 31kgs on this scale, on the last scale and on any scale in this airport.”

Traveller realises they aren’t going to get anywhere with this super-savvy check-in assistant.

Traveller pulls said suitcase off scale and, with the help of the extended family who have come to wish her a safe journey, they each take a corner and drag it, huffing and puffing, the clearly 20kgs (!!!) suitcase over to the original counter.

All working together, they count the lift in “1…2…3…LIFT” and put the clearly 20kgs onto the scale at the original counter.

Traveller now has to open the offending suitcase….. first carefully removing the five bag straps they’ve put around it to try to keep it closed,while carefully ensuring none of their “intimates” fly out when the suitcase bursts open with freedom in mind …. And take stuff out.

They’re oblivious to the growing queue behind them and the sound of tapping feet and huffs and puffs ….. Probably from frequent travellers, like me, who are thinking …. “Seriously??.”

They hand 13kgs of their suitcase content to the extended family, and continue to check-in, still grumbling under their breath that airport baggage scales are shockingly overweight!

The check-in person is a saint.

As I’m heading through security, I see the extended family helping the traveller put all those 13kgs back into her hand luggage and in her handbag.

I’m taking a different queue.

Come back for Part 2: The Security Check!


Sunny Days … And Indecision

So, we’re spending the hottest day of the year so far, on Brighton Beach!

It’s a scorcher. In British terms anyway. It’s 19 at the moment. It’s 11am. Yes, this is considered a scorcher.

So anyway. It’s 11am. 19degrees. We’re on the beach. And there us only a handful of people here.

Where is everyone. I’m going to assume that there may be alot of hangovers this morning. It being the Easter Weekend and all. That, in my mind, is the only reason there are not more people on the here right now.

We left the house at 6.30am in anticipation of getting a good spot on the beach before the masses descended on us.

We needn’t have worried.

It also doesn’t matter about the place that u first settle on the beach – you will always move!


The sand will be too sandy.

The pebbles will be too pebbly.

The view won’t be perfect.

The waves will be too wavy.

The tide will be too high!

Eventually, you’ll find a seemingly great spot, and think to yourself, “why didn’t anyone else sit here?” and continue to pat yourself on the back and high five yourself.

Then you realise.

The brown ‘shells’ are not really shells at all.

The local dogs have been favouring that spot too!

So up you get, and off you trot, as fast as you can caper. (thanks Jack) and try to locate another, hopefully, perfect spot.

Eventually, just as the sun is about to set on the horizon, you will find a spot!

Only to realise that the only reason you got the spot in the first place is because everyone else has packed up and gone.

Including the sun.

Royal Weddings….And Other Holidays

So, it’s like a desert in the office today. 

I actually think I may have seen tumbleweed drift past me a moment ago.

Along with the distant howl of a coyote.

It would seem most people have decided to celebrate the impending Royal Wedding early. Because, and I’m sure you are aware of this, but, if you take 3 days off work next week, after the long Easter weekend, and before the May bank holiday, then you get …. 11 days off. 

Isn’t it funny that when people talk about the break, that’s how they say it. (Me included)

Do you know how many times I’ve heard that lately? Mostly coming out of my mouth. As my lovely sister pointed out to me.

Everytime I talk about the 3-day-break, it goes something along the lines of:-

“So, if you take 3 days off next week then you’ll be able to get 11 days off work. You know, because of the Easter long weekend, the Royal Wedding, and the May Bank holiday”

And I’m not the only one. Everyone says it like that.

It’s not like it has snuck up on everybody. EVERYONE (at least those on planet earth) has heard about it. Some people have actually taken the 3 days off (you know, because they get 11 days off then because of the Easter break and  …. Okay, okay, you get it)

Sadly, I didn’t take the 3 days off.

So you all go ahead, and enjoy your 11 days off (you know, where you can take 3 days off and then you get 11 days off work because of the Easter weekend and the Royal Wedding and May bank holiday) and enjoy yourself.

I shall be working.

Somebody has to keep the economy afloat you know.

PS: It’s still not too late to take those 3 days off. You’ll get 11 days off you know, what with the Easter long weekend, Royal Wedding public holiday and don’t forget the May Bank holiday.