A Gig And A Jig…Or Where’s Mine?


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So I like to go to gigs.
You know. Live music.

(Is music dead? That would mean it has a heartbeat. Which some would say “it does….” I won’t judge either way.

Anyhoo …… What’s not to love?
Great vibe. Sing-a-longs. Die-hard fans. Really die-hard fans.

We went to a gig recently. In an old 17th Century church. The perfect setting for a small, intimate gig …. of around 200 people.

We get there early. Of course.

Not because we’re die-hard fans. But rather so we can use the toilets while they’re still clean.

You know what I’m talking about. We’ve all been there.
Yes you have. You know you have.
No denying it.
You’re welcome.
I win.

That’s enough about toilets. For now.

Again, you’re welcome.

So anyway. Where was I?

So we settle into the old, wooden, uncomfortable-as-hell seats, and wait for the main act to come on.

During the wait, they have the support acts.
Obviously.

No one ever listens to them. (I listen). You can’t hear them over all the talking in the audience. I’m usually the one shushing people so I can hear.

Why do the support acts never match the main act you’ve come to see?

If the main act is Folk. The support act is Death Metal. Perfect match. Obviously.

You know what I mean.
I don’t get it.

But anyway. I digress. Again.

So we sit through the non-matching support bands and get excited for the main act to step up.

The lights go down…..
The crowd goes silent…..
The spotlight goes on…..
One Lone-Fan moves forward…..

Calm down. This isn’t going to be one of those “fan-goes-crazy” stories. Well, not this time anyway.

The band begin to play. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Intimate

And then……

Just as the band are breaking into the chorus, Lone-Fan lets out a loud cheer! Pretty much ruining the ambience in one swift squeal.

She starts waving her hands above her head, bobbing her head up and down, and moving her body to the sound of a very different song.

She starts heckling the crowd to “get up” and “join in” ….. basically ruining the song and the perfect, intimate ambience.

Now I’m all for fans and cheering people on, but once again, let me remind you ….
Small….Intimate….Gig…In…A… 17th…Century….Church….

After two or three songs of this happening, the lead singer eventually stopped and said “okay, who are you and what’s going on”, laughing at the same time to try and take the stress out of it…..but she was clearly annoyed.

The church went silent.
A booming voice from behind the Lone-Fan shouted out “PIZZA GIRL” …….

A shock of realisation comes across the singers face.

She begins to tell us the story of why she’s called Pizza Girl.

Apparently at a previous gig, this Lone-Fan got up in the middle of the show, sat on the edge of the stage, and proceeded to eat her medium-sized pizza from the take-out box she’d brought with her.

Now, I don’t like to judge.
But ….. Seriously!

At least bring pizza for the whole gig right!

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Here…For Your Entertainment


Specifically Train Entertainment!

I’m the first to admit that I usually turn my earphones up – really loud – and of course, avert thine eyes!

But. This morning. Probably one of the most entertaining journeys on the London Underground in the past 8 years. We pulled into Caledonian Road Station and as the doors were about to close, a man jumps onto the train and stands right next to me. I know instantly that he is about to break out into song. Great right!? Just my luck!! So of course, I do the London Underground thing and stick my nose further into my Metro paper.

Completely out of breath – Him not Me – probably from running from carriage to carriage, he begins to sing. Pretty normal right? I agree. But then. he breaks out his secret weapon. Tap shoes! I’m not kidding! Okay, well they sounded like tap shoes.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. He’s out of breath. He’s singing. AND he’s tap dancing! Some of you may have removed yourself from the train at the next available opportunity. (It was a fleeting thought in my mind too). But. His performance was worthy of Lord of the Dance (not Rings – that wouldn’t make sense). I’m not kidding! Michael Flatley would have been proud!

It was irrelevant that he thought we would all be wiped off the earth within 20 years. And that he thought we were all gatekeepers to this world (yes … YOU too) … and Sir – you incorporated both those facts into your song very well.

Bottom line. You were great! And gave me a happy start to the week. I especially loved the Michael Jackson ending. You were most entertaining.

And to the guy who was standing opposite me, chatting football teams with your friend. You know who you are. We shared a smile at the entertainment —- Same Place Same Time tomorrow?